The “Baby Bust” debate in the context of infertility
You’ve probably seen the headlines about the declining birth rates in the US and globally. In 2020, the birth rate in the US dropped 4%, adding to a total drop of about 19% since it last peaked in 2007. Certainly, such a change in population demographics has significant consequences for our future labor force and social welfare programs. And, it is a good thing that economists, policy makers, and the public are taking notice. I am heartened to hear the call for better social policies to support women and families that this “baby bust” has ignited. But, I’ve also been feeling irked by the discussions and have been struggling to understand why.
Then I read this op-ed by Jill Fillipovic in the New York Times and it clicked for me. I am irked by the way the “baby bust” seems to always be cast negatively rather than as the natural consequence of a positive society shift that necessitates creative new solutions.
Fillipovic writes, “As a country, we would be better off if we saw significant demographic changes as data points that can give us important clues about what people want, what they need and how we might improve their lives.”
For example, many worry that the declining birth rate will cause a societal age imbalance that will strain our healthcare and retirement systems. But, it strikes me that these systems have been problematic for decades. Rather than focusing on how the shifting demographics fail to support our existing systems, perhaps we can invent new systems that support the health, wellbeing, and longevity of the society we have created?
But there is more to my irritation. There is a voice inside me screaming, “What? Now I’m responsible for this too?!?” There are likely many aspects of my psyche giving rise to this voice, but I am sure that the experience of infertility is contributing.
Most of us who struggle to build a family blame ourselves on some level. This was the one thing we were supposed to be able to just do - no fancy degrees, luck, or hard work involved. When biology fails us, we start to doubt our value. We feel guilty that we can’t give those we love the child they want. We feel inadequate, less than, and left out. We feel jealous and angry and overwhelmed. But, mostly, we blame ourselves and ask, “What did I do wrong?”, “Why did I wait so long”, or “How can I fix this?”.
My fertility journey is now behind me. My son is 3 years old and our family feels complete. But, these feelings are still in me deep down somewhere and the negative framing of the “baby bust” discussions activates them on a primal level. I share this in case you, like me, have been feeling irked. Perhaps this provides you with a framework for thinking about your own feelings.
Finally, while Fillipovic’s article does a good job of discussing why women are having fewer children, it overlooks the issue of infertility. Roughly 12% of US couples struggle to get or stay pregnant at some point during their reproductive years and, for some, delays in starting a family are a contributing factor. Fillipovic writes, “We should spend less time worrying about falling birthrates and more time developing policies to support families of all kinds.” I would extend this to include policies that support the creation of families of all kinds.
As women garner more opportunity, we face more complex choices. Sometimes, struggles with family building result, at least in part, from those choices. Rather than judging these choices or viewing the outcome negatively, perhaps we can think more neutrally. Struggles with infertility may be the trade-off for greater opportunity and fulfillment for some people. Therefore, the best thing for our society would be to promote equitable and inclusive access to fertility care and other family building options.
In a way, I think that voice screaming inside of me was saying the same thing. Don’t make me feel that my biology or my choices are the problem. Rather, please see the value I bring and develop policies to support it.